Ultrasound: joyous, then numbing

After seeing Alayna off, I had an ultrasound and doctor's appointment this morning. Ultrasound appointments have typically been something to which I really look forward.
This morning, I got to see baby stick her tongue out at me and bat away pokes to my tummy with the ultrasound wand. I could see all four chambers of her heart beating away and a well-formed spine. I accounted for all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, all the major bones and a profile that looks a lot like Alayna's ultrasound photos. Seeing her stick out her tongue was particularly entertaining.

She measured right on track for her age. She measures at 21 weeks 4 days and is 21 weeks 6 days. That's right at the 50th percentile.

But then the ultrasound technician asked if I'd had any bleeding. I said no and asked why. She mumbled something I couldn't understand so I asked again. She said the "membranes hadn't fused" and she was going to get the doctor. I had no idea what that meant, but decided it was probably not too bad and she would have the doctor look just to be careful.

It turns out there are two large blood clots interfering with the placenta's attachment to the wall of the uterus and that that could be detrimental to the baby. The doctor's word's "I'm going to be honest with you; your placenta is looking really ugly."

Rather than an insult, it was just scary. I've become very attached to this baby, with her deadline and middle-of-the-night kicking patterns. The other very scary thing was the way the ultrasound technician said she was sorry.

The doctor said there isn't much to do except monitor the pregnancy closely. I'll need to have an ultrasound once a week to check the baby's growth and the blood clots.

She talked a lot about the loss of babies, which I don't really remember very well. I think I did an excellent job of blocking it out. I do remember she said that someone else who developed the same thing at 12 weeks recently delivered a healthy baby.

I think it will take a day or two to not feel distressed. In the meantime, I need to explain to Alayna that I'm not allowed to pick her up for a while. That is likely to result in the occasional tantrum and will be hard on everyone.

I'll provide updates as I get them. In the meantime, I still feel the baby kicking and pray she'll stay healthy.